¿ ŋάkзđ ļŭŋĉħ

just had to rite sumthn. ws abt to close ma eyes, go to sleep. n all of a sudden ma weird n creepy mind ws sayin --- get up u stupid ass n rite it down. so i got up, nw i m ritin. but rite down wat? seems lyk one of dose black outs i hav. one minute i m sumwhr thinkin abt sumthn realy deep, da next minute i dnt even remember wat i ws thinkin abt. its all blank. well ws listenin to dis song calld photograph by nickel back. good song, luv it. guess der mi8 b sumthn da has got to do wit da theme of dis song ... sumthn abt memories bak door. nt sure. ummm, sounds so far away frm sanity.

dis just popped up in ma head again. been thnkin abt it nw n den for last couple of weeks. its me. sumtyms its realy confusin just understndin me. wat do i want. who i trust. who i hate. wat i wanna do. u kno dese stufs. sumtyms i m nt sure who i m realy. der r loads of stufs i been kipin deep insyd me. n i just dnt share it. dunno why. just dnt feel lyk it. here is anoder thng ... i pretty much giv realy good solutions to ma frnds' probs. but whn it comes to ma own twisted stufs .... i go nuts. wel dats wat usually happens ri8. ppl get confusd whn it comes to solvin der own probs. so dey seek for help, ask a frnd for advice. but me, on da oder hand, cnt do dat. i rarely talk abt ma probs. sumhw it gets buried wit lot of oder stufs i been kipin to maself. just cnt open up completely.

lately found out dat i posses dis strange skill or power wateva u call it ... to hide maself whneva i want. i cn instantly chnge ma image. i cn make ppl thnk da way i want dem to thnk abt me. did i make ne sense? i do dat, hw often i hav no idea. just didnt notice it all dis tym. its lyk i m thnkin sumthn ... but i dnt show it. i gracefully put it aside sumwhr sumhw. n its gone. dnt look bak to thnk abt it except for tyms lyk dis. whn evrythn flashes bak randomly n realy fast. dis is whr i get lost, cnt kip track.

dese dayz dnt feel lyk doin nethn. i m plain bored of dis lyf. may b all dis is just a non sense phase. may b all dese will wear off soon. or may b not. its true wat dey say .... lyf's one long insane trip, sum ppl just hav better directions. guess i aint one of dose ppl.